It seems like an eternity ago that the doctor says, “wow! you could really go into labor anytime.” Apparently “any time” meant that we’d schedule an inducement at 39 weeks. Baby Zee has been parked in ready-to-go position for more than two weeks. I can promise you that ready-to-go position is not very comfortable… 

So we go on Friday, May 4th at 8 am to start the process. With a cervix check, an IV of Pitossin and probably a water break we’ll be off and running. I know inducements can take a while, so I’m hoping for a mid to late afternoon arrival. 

My friend, Sally, says May 4th will make Zee a Star Wars Baby (May the 4th be with you). 

The pros: 

• I like having a plan. A lot. Hugely bummed that Carissa can’t be there all day (she’s subbing), but with an afternoon arrival, hopefully she can still be there for the delivery. 
• My mommy will be here! And Zee will be the first of her grandkids that she gets to see be born. That will be special for both of us. And I’m sure lots of crying!
• Fridays are generally good for lots of family who wants to be around: Amy and Tiffany will arrive from Redding, Stacy is coming down from Salem, Mike’s mom is off work, etc. So that’s nice. 

The cons: 

• I really wanted to have a diamond (April birthstone) in my mom jewelry. Emerald and Aquamarine don’t go as well together. :-) 
• Zee is probably going to be close to 8 lbs. That’s my guess, anyway. I should start taking bets. I don’t think there’s much change that he’ll be nearly 10 lbs, though. Thank God.
• I’m not super excited about being induced. Bee was so easy. Water breaks -> go to hospital -> mildly uncomfortable labor -> epidural 

About six weeks ago I set a date. April 23rd. 

It wasn’t an arbitrary choice. The second of two workshops I was on the schedule wrapped up today (the 22nd). My prediction for BB2’s arrival was that he would join us by Friday the 27th (still my prediction). So that would give me a few days of downtime before the newborn joins the family.

Because my brain and my body both work in slow motion, I still have a few projects to wrap up in the next few days. And I’ve resigned myself to the fact that some may not be totally done before Zee’s arrival and that’s ok. I can work on them a few minutes here and a few minutes there in the quiet hours of mommy hood. In fact, part of me thinks it may be easier… right now, I’m so physically uncomfortable sitting at the desk or table that I just can’t get much done (the couch… not such a productive place to work!). 

So, in the interest of my sanity, I’ve revised my maternity leave rule to be NO MEETINGS between tomorrow and July 1. The very end of June brings a few things up, but those are known and that’s ok. 

So my bag is packed. Zee’s bag is packed. And Bee has a bag to keep him busy in the waiting room with Aunt Kristi. I have no appointments on the books. I am so ready! Let’s go, baby! 

I have a wide online network of people - some of which I know and would invite to my home. Some, but definitely not most. As someone who “does” social media, I spend a lot of time online, sharing my life and do so very openly. 

However, when it comes to my family, I’m much more private and protective. 

I rarely (if ever) use Bee’s full name in any online forum. If we’re “close friends” on Facebook, you’ll likely be able to find it, but otherwise, he’s just “Bee.” In fact, many people can’t remember what his name is. And that’s ok with me. 

I will take the same approach with BB2. Yes, I will share his name. Probably a few times when he arrives on the scene, but then he will be Zee (which, for what it’s worth, is a phonetic nickname). I don’t care if people are confused… or they want to spell his first name with a Z and not an X. 

I’ve never had an issue with inappropriate contact via the web personally or with my family. And I’d like to keep it that way. 

If we’re actual in-real-life friends, you know my kids’ names - their full names. Otherwise, my “extended” network will know them as Bee and Zee. 

It’s been a busy morning as I work on tying up loose ends, getting documents scanned and sent, prepping for workshops and guest lectures… but for just a moment, I stopped and reclined in the papasan chair. A pause with my hand on my upper belly. I could feel the baby moving. But the moving was different. It wasn’t a kick or a turn or even a hiccup. 

Steady, rhythmic. Up and down. Up and down. Very subtle and small. It felt like … breathing. Wow. 

I know he can’t technically breathe, but he could be “practicing,” right? It’s not a common thing to feel. Maybe he was just at the right place bumped up against my hand. Or maybe it was something else. 

But whatever he was doing … wow. It took my breath away. 

I complain a lot these days. I am really uncomfortable, being this pregnant is miserable and can’t wait to hold this baby. But sometimes, in the quiet moments, I remember how amazing and remarkable this whole process is. 

This was one of those moments. Thank you, Baby Zee. 

Due dates are so arbitrary. In fact, only five percent of women deliver on their due date. And some doctor’s are in favor of getting rid of the dates all together. Due dates are largely used as a guideline for getting tests done at the right time and ensuring things are generally on track. 

On my chart, my official 40-week due date is May 11.

Because I’m “elderly gravida” or “of advanced maternal age,” my doctor said they prefer to help things along no later than 39 weeks… or May 4. 

Bee was nearly 3 weeks early… and I sort of expect the same from Baby Zee, though for no good reason. But that would put us at about April 23rd (or that week, anyway). 

At 35 weeks, I wouldn’t mind a couple more weeks (I think), but anything beyond that? I’m ready to go.

At my doctor’s appointment today I learned that Baby Zee is facing the wrong direction. Despite him being head down-hiney up just two weeks ago, he is now breech. 

Dr. Reilly (not my regular doc, but pinch hitting today for Dr. McCarthy, who was in surgery), says reassuringly, “most babies will turn themselves around!” But in the next breathe says, “Schedule an appointment with Dr. McCarthy next week to see if he’s made any progress. If not, we’ll have to look at persuading him.” 

I know that persuading can involve something called an external cephalic version (ECV) in which your doctors/caregivers manually try to move the baby into the hiney-up position. I’ve heard it’s super painful. And they don’t even try it until 37 weeks because it tends to send you into labor within a couple of days. Granted, that’s a bazillion times better than a c-section, but still, seems less than desirable. 

The “alternate” methods are pretty woo-woo for me. I read about them and raise my eyebrows and think “bull shit.” 

But here are they are: 

• Hang upside down. Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but the idea is to allow gravity to help by hiking your pelvis higher than your heart (9 - 12 inches) for 5 - 15 minutes a day. 
• Ancient Chinese secrets. Burning mugwort near your pinky toes (accupressure point). According to Chinese medicine, this stimulates activity enough to get the baby to turn on his own. 
  
• Hypnotize me. Apparently a small study showed that a deep state of relaxation can help the baby turn on his own.  
• Come toward the light. Shining light at/around your pubic bone comes in high on the “yeah, right” scale for me. Babies can see light and I guess the idea is that they will literally move toward the light. 

I turned the lights out about 9:30… was asleep by 10. 

But it didn’t last long. It usually doesn’t. 

Toss. Turn. Toss. Turn.

Hips ache. Back hurts. Have to pee. Again. 

I glance at the clock. Surely, I’ve had some sleep. Surely there’s not much left until morning. It was barely after midnight. 

Toss. Turn. Toss. Turn. Get up to pee. Again. 

Move to the other side of the bed. Adjust the pillow. 

At 4:30 am, I give up. I check Facebook, glance at Pinterest, even cruise through my emails. Close my eyes and it’s clear that sleep isn’t coming back. She’s gone for good. 

At 5 am, I get up. Besides not being able to sleep, now I’m starving. 

Mike is already awake and he tells me this is “his space.” He’s an early riser and spends the morning working out, watching sports news and walking the dogs. I’m cramping his routine. I get it. I find a place to sit and read in the other room and listen to NPR on my laptop. 

I’m so tired. 

I know the last month of pregnancy is uncomfortable. I know people joke that it’s “practice” for the no-sleep to come with BB2. But I will welcome having something to DO. A little life to worry about. A reason to be up several times a night. I know that part is hard, too. I remember. But it’s different. 

So today I will need one nap, maybe two. I’ll eat too many sweets and I’ll be on the edge emotionally. I’ll pretend I’m not, though. No one wants to hear you whine about being tired. I don’t even want to hear me whine about being tired. 

Hopefully tonight will be better. 

I had big plans. I’ve been ignoring my mess of a master bedroom for at least a month (and in reality, probably longer than that) with the end-goal in mind that I would clean, organize and get the space ready for BB2 during Spring Break. 

So this morning, the first morning of Spring Break, I went to Wally World to get some storage containers, found some boxes for recycling, started with folding clothes then moved to organizing the combo of office, school and kid stuff that was stacked along the walls. Just over two hours in… I could barely move. Yikes. 

Progress was made, but not as much as I’d like. You can see the piles of stuff… so much stuff! A sent a very whiny text message to my mom about how long this is going to take me and how much it HURTS. So Mom called Megan and asked if she would come help me this week. Hurray for help! 

I need to try to get the piles I’ve made today in some kind of order. I think I can manage that. It’s still nesting if I have help, right?